‘MADAME WEB’ Review: A Less Than Marvel-ous Origin Story Gets Tangled In Its Own Web

Courtney Howard// Film Critic

MADAME WEB

Rated PG-13, 1 hour and 57 minutes

Directed by: S.J. Clarkson

Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, Zosia Mamet, Kerry Bishé

There was a time in Marvel’s history when a female-led, female-directed film would be an instant draw. However, the moment has passed and those days are behind us. With a dreadfully dull, plot-heavy engine, ropey visual effects and an ensemble cast who look like they’d rather be reciting the phonebook, MADAME WEB manages to be one of the company’s (Sony Marvel’s) worst to date. Co-writer-director S.J. Clarkson along with writers Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless and Claire Parker (working from a story by Sazama, Sharpless and Kerem Sanga) turn in a turgid feature that values slapdash, paper-thin character development, unfulfilling scenarios and lackluster action sequences above all else.

After a rescue call goes awry, NYC paramedic Cassie Webb (Dakota Johnson) develops a gift to see into the future. Unbeknownst to her, but shown to us, back in 1973, her mother Constance (Kerry Bishé) was pregnant with her while in the Peruvian jungles researching poisonous spiders. In a lame double-cross, she’s shot by Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) and promptly rescued a mysterious indigenous tribe of Spider people, who then attempt to revive her with a super-powered, peptide-enhancing spider which transferred its DNA to Cassie in the womb. Flash-forward to 2003, where baddie Ezekiel, who also possesses special spider powers from the one he stole decades prior, electronically surveys the city with the help of his intrepid assistant Amelia (Zosia Mamet) in search of three teen girls he fears are out to kill him.

Through a confluence of contrived events that even the screenwriters can barely string together, Cassie finds herself on a train with the trio: Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Anya (Isabela Merced) and Mattie (Celeste O’Connor). She’s immediately plagued by violent visions and feels compelled to save these young women from death before Ezekiel, who’s trailing shortly behind, can get to them first. From there on out, these essential strangers – all with powerful girl-boss destinies – are forced to team up to defeat their shared current threat.

Character construction is pathetic and, at times, completely antithetical to real human behavior. Cassie’s journey from selfish to self-less is weak, but not nearly as ham-handled and non-existent as Julia, Anya and Mattie’s, who rely on exposition to tell us who they are. Their arc coming into their own as an elite fighting unit manifests at a glacial pace. So much so, we don’t get to see them in top fighting form in their fancy spandex suits except in Ezekiel’s shredded nightmare sequence and a late developing clairvoyant vision of Cassie’s. It also suffers from a massive villain problem as it’s never made clear what his evil machinations and motivations are to do with this spider, inspiring more questions than we’re given answers. Plus, incorporating Ben Parker (Adam Scott) and his sister Mary (Emma Roberts) reeks of unabashed desperation to make this feature relevant in any way.

Big action set pieces and aesthetic spectacle don’t fare much better. None of these sequences are memorable, immersive, or compelling. Techniques used to connote Cassie’s clairvoyance are nothing special, mostly comprised of quick flashes like animated slides on a projector. Our heroine’s use of powers during the climactic battle in a fireworks factory is ugly and turns nonsensical by sequence’s end. Unexplainable camera zooms occur twice, standing out for the poorer of the picture in their documentary filmic style. The soundtrack, filled with all female artists, also fails to stoke interest outside of the needle drop on Britney Spears’ “Toxic.”

Performances vary in extremes, from O’Connor’s sass (who seems the only cast member to recite her lines with any sense of drama) to the flat delivery of Sweeney (who’s fantastic in REALITY), Merced (who’s terrific in DORA AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD) and Johnson (whose turned in better work on this film’s press tour). But it’s Rahim who’s been dealt short shrift as his performance through a majority of the film is poorly assembled and ADR’d.

It’s not totally bleak as there are a few bright spots. Shattered glass is an interesting visual motif Clarkson highlights a few times as a smart way to emphasize humans’ web-like interconnectedness. The sentiment that the family we make is stronger than the family we’re born into is indeed strong. That a bunch of orphaned misfits can find each other in this mixed up world and find something hopeful to fight for is also fairly moving. Yet the filmmakers only faintly allude to these thematic byproducts right before the credits roll rather than weaving them through the film’s fabric.

Grade: D-

MADAME WEB is in theaters on February 14.