Preston Barta // Features Editor
HELLBOY
Rated R, 121 minutes.
Director: Neil Marshall
Cast: David Harbour, Milla Jovovich, Ian McShane, Sasha Lane, Daniel Dae Kim and Thomas Haden Church
I, like so many, showed aggravated teeth at the thought of Guillermo del Toro’s beloved HELLBOY films getting a revamp. Teases of a possible trilogy closer were tossed around the cinema court for some time since 2008’s HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY, but it never happened. It’s a personal franchise to del Toro, similar to James Gunn and GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, so imagining someone else holding the reins and recasting the titular demon that Ron Perlman made so uniquely his was damnation ready to unfold.
Giving it every effort to wow and surprise me, the new HELLBOY sinks to the lowest of depths and lands somewhere around the seventh circle of hell. While David Harbour does his best as our new beefy, red hero, he can’t save the movie from collapsing on screen.
Helmed by THE DESCENT and GAME OF THRONES director Neil Marshall, the movie covers many of the familiar beats of the 2004 HELLBOY origin story: During World War II, the rock-fisted Hellboy (Stranger Things’ David Harbour) is summoned from the lake of fire by Nazis in search of incredible power in the later days of the war. Big Red is saved by Professor Bloom (Ian McShane) and a war hero named Lobster Johnson (a scene-stealing and not featured enough Thomas Haden Church) and raised under the roof of the United States Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense.
A significant threat appears when an ancient sorceress, Nimue the Queen of Blood (Milla Jovovich), has risen to wipe humanity off the map in the fashion of Thanos, while also trying to lure Hellboy’s demonic side over to the dark side to fulfill her destiny as ruler of hell.
There was some promise at the film’s opening when McShane is giving us the lowdown about Hellboy’s world. McShane dropping an F-bomb with such style made me giggle and recognize the film’s R rating within seconds. Then we are drowned in exposition from there on on out. You spend so much time listening to characters explain what’s going on that you forget to give a damn about any of them, most notably Hellboy.
It’s as if the filmmakers were so fearful of audiences making a big deal about it appearing too similar to del Toro’s films that they packed it with as much information as they could to make it feel fresh. But for how many times we jump around the globe and are served plot, what this movie needed to do was pump the brakes and concentrate on character. What made del Toro’s films so lively and adventurous was the character camaraderie. You won’t find an endearing scene like Hellboy and Abe Sapien singing Barry Manilow’s “Can’t Smile Without You” here.
Harbour, no doubt, captures the towering presence of Hellboy, but the script doesn’t give him the properly timed one-liners or charm to give his rendition impact. This is mostly due to the film’s highly uneven tone, which will go from being a silly R-rated movie that 12-year-olds would enjoy to a needlessly violent feature chasing DEADPOOL’s blood-soaked comedy. So many jokes fall flat that it may require a prescription to keep your eyes focused from all the rolling they are inevitably going to be doing.
The terrible TWISTED METAL video game-like score composed by Benjamin Wallfisch should be called out. It’s shockingly bad considering Wallfisch had a hand in producing such scores as BLADE RUNNER 2049, IT and DUNKIRK. It didn’t feel cinematic whatsoever and took me out of the film anytime I heard its heavy metal power chord.
The overall look of the movie is probably the worst component, however. The special effects are so poorly rendered that you will find it difficult to keep from laughing, even when it wants you to soak up the sadness of a particular situation. There’s one sequence toward the end where a character uses their powers to bring back the spirit of someone who kicked the bucket, and how they illustrate it is sickening. Not to mention the camera movement is all over the place, sometimes even pausing for a quick second in an effort to blend practical and special effects.
HELLBOY is every bit the worst film this year has offered thus far, and it doesn’t deserve your time or money. While I appreciate one brief moment of real horror during the film’s final act involving more hell creatures, I can’t wait to forget about this irredeemable turd.
Grade: D
HELLBOY opens April 12 in theaters nationwide.
