Cailey Fleming and Ryan Reynolds star in Paramount Pictures' "IF."
Courtney Howard // Film Critic
IF
Rated PG, 1 hour and 44 minutes
Directed by: John Krasinski
Starring: Cailey Fleming, Ryan Reynolds, John Krasinski, Fiona Shaw, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Louis Gossett Jr., Alan Kim, Steve Carell, Catharine Daddario
IF’s title comes from an acronym for Imaginary Friend, specifically all the invisible weird and whimsical fantasy creatures one precocious tween girl decides to help find hosts. Her quest is sorta like THE SIXTH SENSE, except that kid saw dead people and, thanks to a traumatic crisis, this gal sees folks’ magical make-believe besties. It tries to mimic Pixar’s “what if…?” creative approach to crafting stories with innovative world-building. However, writer-director John Krasinski has layered formula on top of formula, creating a smarmy, smug and sloppy Pixar wannabe that feels as synthetic as it is saccharine, as well as mimeographed in its manufacturing.
12-year-old Bea (Cailey Fleming) is going through a hard time: Her mom (Catharine Daddario) died of cancer a few years back (or rather, in movie terms, during the opening credits) and now her dad (Krasinski) is in the hospital, preparing for a life-saving heart surgery. She’s once again staying with her grandma (Fiona Shaw) in New York City in an apartment filled with bittersweet memories and talismans of her past. Soon after checking up on her perpetually perky dad and meeting hospital patient Benjamin (Alan Kim) (who only has a broken bone – how are they even in the same ward or floor?), she meets the upstairs neighbors: the building’s elderly landlady, whom Bea is terrified of for no reason, and two other strangers she’s oddly not scared of at all, considering one is a figment of a child’s imagination.
Calvin (Ryan Reynolds) and big-eyed ladybug Blossom (voiced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge) run a matchmaking service, connecting outgrown “Ifs” (voiced by Steve Carell, Louis Gossett Jr., Blake Lively, Awkwafina, Amy Schumer, Sam Rockwell, and Bradley Cooper) with new clientele – children who neither asked for their help, nor made up an imaginary friend of their own. But business is bad, leaving Calvin and his crew frustrated and blue. Feeling sorry for them, Bea volunteers to help the frolicking figments by reuniting them with their creators. However, getting the now-jaded adults to rediscover their youthful spirits will prove a tough task for the enterprising, quick-witted girl and her new friends.
Krasinski’s story takes far too long to gel and never manages to set perfectly. Very little feels original, from its Grimace-clone If to a recycled joke from DEADPOOL 2. The under-developed, undercooked narrative also fails to properly connect the dots. His world-building is tirelessly nonsensical and exhausting. Big CGI-driven set pieces may look good, like the expected audition sequence and the Coney Island convalescent home tour where Bea unlocks magical powers (that are never used again?!) to conjure up a concert that FORREST-GUMPs Reynolds with Tina Turner singing “Better Be Good To Me.” But these segments are chock full of inconsistencies and useless setups for grander unused ideas.
Worse, every action characters make leads to an overwhelming amount of questions that the filmmaker attempts to drown out with Michael Giacchino’s overbearing score. Krasinski forgot to add character to his characters. Instead of being immersed in these characters’ conundrums and internal conflicts, we’re left wondering about the minutia of their circumstances: What kind of insurance does Bea’s dad have that he can stay in a hospital for days prior to his surgery? When and if the Ifs are able to connect with their owners, how long do their heartfelt pangs of reconnection last? Do they have to go through all this again in a few months, or are they spiritually re-tethered for life? Why are none of these well-animated Ifs memorably funny?
It’s awfully strange that neither Bea’s ailing father (who’s always physically active while in the hospital pre-surgery) nor her unemployed grandmother are the least bit concerned how she’s spending her day. Calvin’s motivations aren’t properly fleshed out, and it’s confusing that he finds Bea bothersome until he conveniently welcomes her presence. It’s bizarre that Bea traverses the city with a veritable stranger who’s not her father, but is her father’s age. There’s a big reveal as to the pair’s connection (one Jenny Eagan’s costume design practically gives away), which makes the narrative proceedings all the more head-scratching.
Outside of the expressive, tactile character animation by Framestore, very little genuinely resounds about the film’s puddle-deep, positive platitudes on never forgetting our childlike sense of wonder. Krasinski misinterprets basic child psychology, casting imaginary friends as confidence-providers, not a tool for companionship or a coping mechanism. He turns grief into a cheap tourist attraction, shamelessly shoving us to a place to cry when the score and Fleming’s performed material demands we do so. Except those tears never come. Had IF actually been good, maybe we could’ve joined him on the fantastical journey.
Grade: 1 out of 5
IF opens in theaters on May 17.
